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Sunday, July 17, 2005

Why Fanfiction Sucks (Part 2)

Righto. I'm back. Yes, I spoke about how the delusional yaoi/slash fanfic writers and their crap fics being one of the major reasons why I have grown to despise fanficdom so much.

Now, I shall talk about...


Mary Sue is hard to define. Many people came up with different definitions, explanations and histories for it, and you can easily Google them, so I'm not going to waste my time explaining in detail what it is. All I can say is that a Mary Sue is an implausible, badly-written original character inserted by the fanfic writer into her fanfic to get romantically involved with her favourite character.

They can either be Legolas' elven warrioress bride, the last Female Super Saiyajin in the universe, Albus Dumbledore's granddaughter who fell in love with Harry Potter, some basketball whiz who captured Rukawa Kaede's attention, a ninja babe who ended up with Sasuke, blah blah yadda yadda.

One of the reasons why I started writing Slam Dunk: Inside Stuff was because I had the misfortune of reading a Slam Dunk fanfic. I forgot how the author ended up on my ICQ list, but I remembered that back then, she used to ask me to read her fanfic (she was already finishing it by then), and being the nice person I am, I did give whatever feedback I can to her. Telling her what part I thought was wrong, what part I thought should've been fixed or improved upon.

Anyway, that fanfic is about some girl with a heart of gold who was trapped in a love triangle between two particular Slam Dunk characters. I noticed there was something really wrong about this protagonist after a few chapters. For instance, things seemed to be too easy for her, besides the two guys who fell in love with her, she managed to win the affections of EVERY SINGLE character out there. She's a nice girl, who can cook, who has the voice of an angel whilst she sings (more than a third of the fanfic features the entire lyrics of the song she was performing...), smart, sensitive... the object of every dumb teenager's wet dreams.

However, the writer herself and her band of merry fans had pointed out numerous times that the character was certainly NOT a Mary Sue, because unlike a generic Mary Sue, this gal actually has a flaw.

She's FAT.

Thus, she's not physically flawless, so explains the writer. Of course, whether that is an issue or not is irrevelant, because in the fanfic, it was explained numerous times, hell, almost EVERY SINGLE chapter that 'despite she's fat, she's actually very beautiful', so beautiful that she was almost the object of sexual fantasies for all characters in the fanfic. Now, I'm not saying that a woman can't be attractive even though she's fat, after all, physical appearances can be a rather subjective matter.

What bothered me was the writer's inability to stop herself from praising her own protagonist in such an obsessive manner.

Holy shit, man.

All I want to say, in conclusion, is that the story is very badly-written, with one of the most ludicrous endings I've ever read in a written work. In order to solve this poor angsty love triangle, the gal chose the guy who knew what her favourite song was. To symbolize her choosing 'the guy who knows her most'.

WTF is this? You know what? Despite the writer's attempts to make readers think that the protagonist is a smart chick, I think she's one of the dumbest bitches I've ever read about. Maybe if I want to hook up with some chick, all I need to know is her favourite song, wow, that's effective. Hey, looky looky, Maybe I'll attempt something similar on Scarlett Johannson so that I will fulfill the prophecy of her marrying me. Mwa hah.

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This fanfic of wondrous quality had attracted itself many reviews... gee, it's not surprising why the writer herself tend to refute every single flaw I pointed out about her masterpiece. Come to think of it, I wouldn't use the word 'refute', because all she ever did was said 'lol' to what I've said, a great habit of hers. I felt pointless trying to voice out my opinions.

Of course, I believe she could've been much happier if I didn't launch into a few-paragraph-long review politely outlining, what I humbly thought, were the shortcomings of the fanfic, like the ridiculousness of the protagonist and the implausibly dumb love story. (I never bothered giving her a simple 'OMG! DIS IS SUCH A GOOD FIC! SO ROMANTIC!' like her dear followers)

Hence, I ended up becoming increasingly disgusted with writers who live in vacuums, incapable of accepting criticisms. But then, while these Mary Sue writers do have a high opinion of their own works, they don't really piss me off as much as the yaoi fanficcers I mentioned yesterday. At least they aren't self-righteous dumbasses who liked to defend their crappy fanfics by saying that they are contributing to a noble cause (... accepting homosexuality). Mary Sue writers tend to work individually, and not form a clique of their own where they massage their own egos, so they are more pitiful, but not repulsive.

Besides, Mary Sue writers do not really have 'fans' like yaoi writers do. Everyone denies vehemently that they read Mary Sue fanfics, but the truth is, I doubt most of them knew that they were reading one even if some Mary Sue fanfic comes to life and bite their asses.
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