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Tuesday, October 24, 2006


Yuriko Koike with flowers from Justin

I am a guy who is attracted to ambitious women. Much like the Great Swifty, I pretty well consider myself a creative genius, and so anyone (female, or otherwise) who just sits around consuming isn’t likely to hold my interest for long. The girls I’m into tend to be valedictorians, musicians, or hard-ass bitches who won’t give you change. In other words, if you work for the newspaper, smoke, speak multiple languages, and can really sing, I’ll probably have your number before the end of the night. And this is a circuitous way of saying that Yuriko Koike is totally fucking hot.

Yuriko Koike - the Japanese government's national security advisor and likely candidate for future Prime Minister - will probably be a major figure on the world stage before long; so if you haven’t heard of her yet, remember that you got it here first. To recap: Koike enters the world in 1952, in Hyogo; attends Konan Girls' high school; studies Sociology at Kwansei Gakuin University in 1971, then studies abroad at the American University of Cairo, Egypt. There, she learns Arabic, and receives her BA in Sociology. She starts out as a translator, becoming secretary general of the Japan-Arab Association (this proves to be a trend: any organization Koike joins, she pretty well takes over), parlays that into a TV special about Yasser Arafat, becomes a news anchor for Nippon TV, and eventually gets elected to the House of Councillors in 1992. From then on, her career just goes insane, as she helps found the New Frontier Party, gets re-elected to the House of Representatives, and gets awarded "Global Leader for Tomorrow" by the World Economic Forum. She winds up as the Minister of the Environment under Koizumi (spearheading the 'Cool Biz' campaign to reduce air conditioning and save electricity) and Minister of State for Okinawa and Northern Territories Affairs, then remains in new PM Shinzo Abe's* cabinet as national security adviser.

Y'got all that?

Oh, right, she's also published six books, including one called Climbing the Pyramid in a Kimono. Since that sounds like a martial arts technique, I’m going to assume that the topic has to do with self-defense, probably involving ninjutsu.

Simply put, Yuriko Koike is like 32 flavors of overachievement. As much as Hillary Clinton, for example, begins to look like more and more of a realistic option in the post-2000-election nightmare we’re still living through, she’s got nothing on Koike, who, for one thing, did everything herself. Notably, Koike isn’t attached to a male political or public figure as a primary frame of reference; i.e. she isn’t “Mrs.-“ someone else: everything she’s accomplished, she’s done on her own.

"Originally representing Hyogo Prefecture, in the 2005 election Koike became one of Koizumi's "assassins" and was critical of LDP members who were defiant of Koizumi's leadership."

Yes, assassins. That's not a metaphor: fuck with the Prime Minister, and Koike will drop your ass like an acid tab. It's all about the ninjutsu. Koike is quoted as saying, “As a former journalist, I believe that a stateperson should practice "the Art of Communication and Conviction".” She went on to add "...and the Art of THE NINJA." Her words, not mine.

Other cool shit she's said:

"Many of the world’s current environmental problems arise from fundamental socio-economic activities, including regular business activities and daily life. Recognising this, we need fundamentally to re-evaluate our economic activities and lifestyles. This can be done by proactively mobilizing all our knowledge of environmental conservation. I believe that this will lead to the establishment of a sustainable society by ensuring a synthesis of environmental protection and economic growth. Japan will advance policy measures to bring about a fundamental socio-economic shift to realise a sound material-cycle society and establish a low-carbon economy."

As can be seen Yuriko likes the adjective 'fundamental.' I like this adjective too, which shows we have high compatibility.

Top Ten Reasons Why Yuriko Koike is the Perfect Girlfriend

1. She can speak Arabic. How many other Japanese politicians do you know who can do that? Hell, how many non-Arabs? Simply put, if Yuriko Koike had been on any of the planes on September 11th, the tragedy probably wouldn’t have happened, because she’d have used her Arabic skills to talk the hijackers into committing seppuku, and then made everyone on the flight a nice cup of tea.

2. Financial Security - She's rich!

3. She consorts with j-pop idols. Yes, this photo is Koike hanging with Mai Kuraki, and some wota-looking guy who probably runs Kuraki’s fanclub. This guy probably propositioned Koike after the event, and then she used ninjutsu to put him in a wheelchair.

Yuriko Koike and Kuraki Mai

4. She'll probably end up running the world, first as Japanese PM, then head of the United Nations or something. Don't think she can't.

5. The Ninjutsu. 'Nuff said.


6. She hangs out with famous people all the time, like Hard Gay (pictured), Mai Kuraki, and, oh yeah, The Prime Minister.

Hard Gay and Yuriko Koike

7. She makes a mean cup of tea.

Yuriko Koike

8. She's a total hottie.

Yuriko Koike

9. There is no nine.

10. She's probably a tiger in the sack. Come on, no one can be this ambitious and not be a superfreak!

Yuriko Koike smiling as she inspects the panties Justin sent her
Yuriko Koike smiling as she inspects the panties I sent her.

Yuriko Koike's Official Site

*Abe Shinzo, incidentally, went to the same university I'll be studying at next year.

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