Hey Fandom, Up Yours!

It's not often that I feel so in sympathy with one of Swifty's posts that I feel it calls for an immediate followup on essentially the same theme. However, the last one calls for it.
I've never had much tolerance for "fans" of anything. This isn't to imply that I've never been so overawed by something that I haven't sung its praises in exorbitant, losing-your-shit-like-a-schoolgirl-with-her-first-period fashion. Far from it; in fact I'd distrust someone who never confessed to being blown away (see: people who think they can write but have never read anything, people who want to make films but only watch Hollywood). However, I've never seen the point of identifying yourself so strongly with any one artwork or belief, cause or culture. Simply put: it's reductive. Say someone says they're a furry. Well, what the hell else are they - a Republican? How can anybody tell, there's no way to see the forest for the fursuits.

Just to break it down more, here are some "fandoms" which particularly raise my ire:



1) Star Wars. 'Nuff said.

2) Goths. I had an idea once that the entire goth movement, from Victorian lace on down to Cradle of Filth devotees, would be so much better if they replaced black with neon green. So far no one's taken me up on it.

3) Anime. When "anime fans" actually equates to "hot chicks cosplaying as Motoko Kusanagi," give me a call. Until then, keep your little cartoon porn sculptures to yourself, okay?

4) Anything related to television, unless it's The Prisoner.

5) Anyone who willingly identifies themselves as a nerd or a geek. Just paste a "dousche-bag" sign to your forehead and save us the trouble, okay? This isn't even acceptable when a chick does it. In fact, it's usually worse.

6) I mentioned it before but: furries. I actually knew a furry in real life once. This kid was from Dayton, Ohio, spent his time tracing over models in porn mags and then using his colored pencils to turn them into anthropomorphic tigers and bears, and had a good foot and a half on me in terms of height. I'M SIX FEET TWO INCHES. Not only was this kid physically a giant, but he was A BISEXUAL FURRY GIANT. I was too scared to sleep over at his house for fear that he'd pop out in the middle of the night dressed as Bugs Bunny and sodomize me.

Just to piss people off, let's take this one step further. I'd like to argue that patriotism is just another form of fandom. "I'm so proud to be (American/Malaysian/Australian/Japanese); it's such a part of my identity. Our culture needs to assert itself against those other cultures!"

Us against them, ne?

Identity is shifting, unstable, conditional. Let's keep it that way okay?

-Justin