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Sunday, September 11, 2005

Farewell, Comic Fiesta

People of the Comic Fiesta Forum,

On April 2004, when I first resigned from the committee of Comic Fiesta, I was too distraught to elaborate on why I had to leave. I left with a heavy heart. I didn't leave in good terms, and yes, being human, I was unable to keep my mouth shut, and I did tell some people what indeed happened that drove me to resignation, and what I said cast some parties into a negative light (which, I regret to say, wasn't entirely unintentional). It wasn't exactly the most honorable thing to do, but I am not flawless, despite my narcissism and massive ego.

Today, I will say goodbye to you all again. I think I've been banned, but even if it's not the case, my account has been messed up beyond belief after it was being tampered with by a moderator, to the point where I'm unable to login again. And despite Hooli's efforts, she was unable to explain why this problem remained. But it is all cool, this time, I am indeed leaving Comic Fiesta for good. But unlike last year, I leave with a feeling of optimism and satisfaction.

I came back again this year after a 1-year hiatus with a selfish agenda. My website had changed URL, and I needed a place to plug it again, thus I returned. And because of this, I am sure this has annoyed many people. And for that, I sincerely apologize. One of my biggest regrets is my inability to actually connect with most of the forumers here like I did before, perhaps it had to do with my declining interest in anime fandom (not anime, just the anime fandom), and my decision to be as detached from this forum as possible since I really didn't want to get too involved regarding the affairs of Comic Fiesta.

I am not a popular figure. Neither do I aspire to be one, because I don't think it is possible. I am too opinionated, too cynical, too sarcastic. These aren't exactly the characteristics that can be appreciated by people here. Yet a couple of matters bothered me quite a lot during the past few months of my stay here. The gulf between moderators and normal members was seemingly insurmountable, a hierarchical system where the mods and normal members didn't seem to be at equal standing. I was rather bothered because I felt that sometimes, the moderators didn't really have enough faith in the normal members, and the constant suspicion that some of these members might be here to start some troubles.

And because of that, I developed this unfortunate habit of questioning openly the decisions and actions of moderators. Something that can be easily interpreted as an intention to stir up trouble, or challenge the authority of the moderators. I was rather annoyed when sometimes, moderators would sound too patronising and overbearing to the members with their warnings. And sometimes, I felt worse when I saw threads getting locked or completely deleted.

This is the Internet. A medium for communication which would unfortunately misrepresent how a person is like in real life. And because of this, I believe everyone deserves the benefit of doubt, that no matter how bad they seem to be when they are online, they should be decent people in real life. People aren't inherently evil. The lack of faith I noticed didn't seem to happen only between moderators and members, but also between members themselves. Too much tension, too much second-guessing. Sometimes, I would charge in to defend someone everyone hated, because, once again, I believe that an outspoken and opinionated individual isn't necessarily someone trying to stir up trouble in the forum, that despite the way he carries himself, he could be an okay person. Of course, this also happened to be a rather unpopular action of mine. But sometimes, I tend to feel that everyone in this forum should be just a bit more honest with each other, instead of making assumptions. Who knows? My endless bragging and narcissism might have turned most of you off, but if you have tried talking to me on MSN, I might actually seem not that bad after all. But then, that's just wishful thinking. Haha.

But then, once again, my pride is getting the best of me again. I am speaking about the 'problems' of this forum, but in truth, these 'problems' might not really exist at all, and it was probably just my own opinions. So just leave it at that, my dears.

It is rather funny that my departure this time is once again linked with someone who was responsible for my previous resignation. But there is no hatred, no hard feelings anymore. In my own twisted and silly ways, I love you all. Maybe not 'love', that is too strong a word, but I have grown to appreciate the existence of this forum. And unlike before, I sincerely believe that Comic Fiesta will indeed have a bright future, the actions of the committee, under the leadership of my friend, Hooli, has convinced me thus. But know this, the committee themselves can't singlehandedly improve Comic Fiesta, the valuable assistance of the members are needed as well. So, please work hand in hand, trust each other more, no more second-guessing, no more secret grudges, everyone is unique, but everyone is equal.

I bid you all a thousand farewells, and I wish you all the best.

You can always pay me a visit here if you think you can stomach my ridiculously exaggerated narcissism.