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Monday, June 05, 2006

Singapore Airlines

Well, Swifty has failed massively in his efforts to update this blog. There hasn't been new material for what, two weeks or so? Sensing this dire situation, I am taking it upon myself to post whatever I damn well please. Instead of trying to form my thoughts into coherent-theme-based entries, I will post whatever comes to my mind. For example, drugs are awesome and all orthodox religious traditions are stupid.

I'm going to Japan in one month. I still have to get my passport shit sorted out, but otherwise, all systems are go. Since I'm going on Thai airlines, I'm going to be stopping over at my friend Parun's place in Bangkok first. To be honest I want to spend more time in Thailand to check out the awesome transvestites and Thai food, but I only have a single night. It reminds me of the song "One Night in Bangkok" by Murray Head. It has ABBA in it, I think. They are good and you should listen to them. Stop caring about whether music is ironically good or not. It's either good or it isn't.

I'm a little disappointed about not going on Singapore airlines. Singapore airlines is the greatest airline in the world because of the hot face towels. In case you haven't been on Singapore airlines let me try to explain this concept. There you are seated in your cramped airplane seat, when a hot chick in a sarong or cheongsam or some other Chinese outfit I'm completely ignorant of comes down the aisle with tongs.

THE TONGS. These tongs are so awesome, you could deliver a baby with them. New life could be brought into the world because of these tongs, but instead they bring you FACE TOWELS.

These towels are steaming hot and slightly wet. All matter touched by them instantly dissolves and is transported to a realm of pure ecstatic nirvanic happiness.

The inability to get those towels anywhere else can result in serious depression. In fact, I would want to become an Islamic terrorist and blow myself to pieces if Allah pinky-swore to give me an unlimited supply of Singapore airlines stewardesses with face towels for all eternity.

In 2004, I went on Singapore airlines to New York. I was seated next to an old white man in his fifties. He was pretty ripped, constantly ordered vodka, and talked to me the whole time about his sex tourism in Bali, for example buying Balinese women clothes in order to extort pussy from them. At one point when we were preparing for landing, one of the stewardesses sat down in front of us and strapped herself in (we had the two seats at the end of the aisle near the toilets). During the landing, old whitey kept hitting on the stewardess in an increasingly obvious manner while she struggled to maintain her professional smile.

This guy kept hitting on her not only because she was hot, but because of her ability to dispense hot face towels.

All problems in the Middle East and elsewhere could immediately be solved by sending a delegation of Singapore airlines stewardesses with hot face towels.