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Monday, July 23, 2012

Mom and Dad were on the newspapers

In the past month, both my mom and my dad were featured on the papers.

Dad and the actor Steve Yap were in a Father's Day special for Nanyang Siang Pau newspaper last month, on the 17th of June, 2012.

Dad and Steve Yap on Nanyang newspaper. June 17th 2012. 男人有泪轻弹, 南洋商报。


Basically dad and Steve Yap were paired up for this feature because they are both dads. Dad had been a dad for almost half of his life, while Steve Yap just became a dad less than two years ago.

So through the article, as they speak about their relationships with their kids, we see that most dads are the same.

Dad and Steve agreed that the days where dads have to educate their kids via spanking and smacking have long ended, they are both liberal dads who would rather just hang out with their kids instead of being authoritarian.

They finally speak about moments when they teared up over their kids. Steve remembered the birth of his daughter, dad spoke about seeing me going onstage to receive an award at an international film fest for the very first time (I assume he was referring to Pusan Film Fest two years ago since the photo in the article was of us at the festival)

It wasn't just about me, Dad mentioned too that he realized my perpetually child-like (physically, not mentally, look at her face) sister had grown up when she first went off to Perth few years ago.

It's a great article. You can read the full article here. (in Chinese only)

As for Mom, she had a nice profile of her on Guang Ming newspaper last week, on the 18th of July, 2012.

Mom on Guang Ming newspaper. 18th July 2012. 戚舜琴 从歌手转主妇到办杂志 逍遥自在 光明日报


Mom's article has yet to be posted on Guangming's website.

But here's my brief summary in English.

Mom had gone through different stages in life. In each of them, she would give her very best. Because she could get tired of something she was doing, she would change to doing something else, starting from zero, facing new challenges, pretty much being a chameleon.

First section is about how she became a singer by competing in Bintang RTM. After releasing the albums, she married dad (brief description of what dad did back in the day, how they met, etc), facing new challenges in the kitchen after moving to Singapore with dad. She stopped singing and became a full-time housewife.

In the second section, article describes how as a full-time housewife, she managed to raise me and my sister. (brief description of who I was, mentioned the Azusa Ono Memorial award I received last year from Waseda University)

Second 3. Started Fu Bao magazine and life as magazine publisher in 2000. Stopped the magazine late last year. Surprisingly, her life as a publisher lasted longer than as a singer.

There are then brief descriptions of the trips of sacred places that she had taken in India and China these days.


(I'll post the dad/ Steve Yap article below, will update it with Mom's when I can)



男儿有泪轻弹
副刊 优生活 2012-06-17 14:11


两位父亲,影评人杨剑和演员叶良财,一老一少,他初为人父,他为父半辈子。两个不同年代的父亲,看似没有交集,当谈起儿女经,却不止一次提到因为感动、高兴,而流下的眼泪。

“你没记住的,我会记下来。”
(你生命的一部分,自己来不及记忆的部分,可以保留在我这里,不会消失不会遗落。——杨照)


杨剑:杨
叶良财:叶

叶 :女儿的一切最珍贵!现在她未满两岁,每天都在改变……第一次剪头发、第一次走路,她的每个第一次我都会用相机或录影机记录下来。

杨:孩子成长的每个阶段,对父母来说都是刻骨铭心的。孩子小时,相机和录音机不普遍,反而是太太常带儿子到录音室探班,对儿子的回忆都记录在当时录制的歌曲里,印象深刻的是黄露仪的《Casablanca》,每次重听,当时的情景就一一重播。

叶 :现代父母较幸运,打开手机便能拍照、录音了,女儿的第一次我都来得及记录,再把相片制成音乐录音,每次看都很感动……什么感觉又再涌上心头了。我相信每个男人当爸爸后,都会感动落泪,可能不是嚎啕大哭,但总会热泪盈眶……(杨剑在旁频点头)

杨:是啊!一辈子都忘不了他们的出现。儿子是在新加坡出世的,当时我在新加坡宝丽金工作,身边一个亲人都没有,只有我陪太太到医院,虽然手忙脚乱,可是看到儿子后,一切有他就好了。

叶 :就是这种感觉(他拼命点头!)。孩子是我的,我现在是爸爸,呀!多激动。现在我和太太还觉得是在梦里,原本我们已放弃生孩子的希望,也计划好退休后的生活,女儿突然报到!让我们喜出望外!

杨:嗯……(两位父亲都感如身受)。还有,儿子和我一样都爱电影,我可以和他结伴四处参加影展,那是很难得的事。我和儿子谈电影,和女儿谈书本,有好戏好书都一同分享,与孩子拥有共同的兴趣,让人开心!

叶 :女儿还小,不过我发现她跟我一样喜欢户外活动,我带她游泳,她很享受,但太太不会游泳,所以游泳是我和她的二人美好时光(好像独享女儿了呵~~。)

“你尽管去闯荡,我会是那最忠实的支持者。”
(你渐渐会发现,当你一人独行的时候,会变得更聪明;当你离开父母的时候,才知道父母多么成为你的依靠、你的盼望。是的,年轻人!崎岖而黑暗的道路,将使你真正地成熟!——刘墉)

聆听的沟通时代


杨:孩子慢慢长大,要开始学会Let go(放手),那是做父亲最困难的时刻,放手其实牵涉了许多复杂的情感,我是一直到儿子获得奖学金前往日本念电影,才发现他长大了,懂得利用自己的努力去争取机会,虽然不舍得他离开,却也为他的独立感到安慰。

叶 :做父亲的难免会为孩子操心,我也担心她将来叛逆、学坏、担心有一天她跑来跟我说她怀孕了……唉,不能想这么多,现在要做的是教导她。等她再大一些,我看我也要学会Let go了。

杨:其实我对儿女的期待很简单,关于他们前途、未来,只要对自己做的事情投入、努力那就好。

叶 :我同意,父母对子女的期待其实都很简单,对于女儿,我最大的期待是希望她活得开心、健康,EQ高,其他的都不重要。

杨:是啊,我相信只要家里有爱,你给孩子健康的成长家庭环境,孩子是不会学坏的。孩子感受到家里的爱,凡是便会以家为依归。

常说我爱你

叶 :从前父亲的教育观念是“打是疼,骂是爱”,从不用嘴巴说爱,现在时代不同,我会跟女儿亲嘴,跟她说我爱她,我希望能一直跟女儿保持这样的亲密关系。

杨:那种“凡事必须听我的”父权时代已经完了啦!现在是“你尝试听我说”的父子沟通时代。

叶 :加上资讯发达,你若告诉孩子“打是疼,骂是爱”,他们上互联网一看,哇!发现不是这样的,你想看,他会怎样想?

杨:所以我赞成“教育”才是关键。父亲应腾出多些时间给孩子,陪他们看书、谈话,让他们感觉父母和孩子是心贴心的。要孩子愿意跟你相处,做父亲的首先别摆出一副高高在上的样子。

叶 :时代改变,做父亲也跟要跟着改变。我的父亲对哥哥姐姐是打骂教育,但对我却是沟通教育。他只打过我三次,最严重的那次我还离家出走!但只是出走几个小,也不是跑去哪儿,只是躲在家门前的沟渠里,哈哈哈……那次也是最后一次被父亲打。

“我没敢对你说的事”
(我生怕到了你坐在我膝头上的那个时刻,我已然不会有勇气向你透露:自由的失落、惩罚的折磨、囚禁的永恒以及命运的巨大……诸如此类的想法,因为对一个孩子来说,它们听起来像是诅咒,将倏忽从角落中掩扑而来。而我们没有能力预见。
——张大春)

为儿女流泪别惊讶!


杨:当儿子的短片第一次在影展获奖、上台拿奖时,台下的我心里很激动,眼泪就在眶内打转,此时感觉他还是小学时那个小男孩,过去的片段又回来。

With Dad, after the Pusan International film Fest closing ceremony


叶 :或许当了爸爸我也感性了?很多时候女儿的举动都让我莫名地忍不住落泪,每每想到她出生时的情景,又是忍不住眼湿湿,哈……。

杨:不管儿子多大,我还是以为他们还小。几年前女儿要到澳洲念书,送她去机场时,惊觉女儿已长得亭亭玉立了,好像一夜长大,看到她的变化,我的眼泪差点就要夺眶而出。

叶 :像我四哥这么开朗的一个人,当他嫁女儿时,也哭得很厉害啊!我从没看她哭过,但是他两次嫁女儿,两次都哭到像‘猪头’一样,哈哈,父亲为儿女流泪真的别惊讶!

杨:可能男人比较含蓄,很多心事只有自己知道,很多压力只能自己承受,不向他人透露。父亲很多事情你不知道,我跟你保证,很多时候你的父亲看着你,可能就在背后偷偷流泪,只是你不知道而已!

叶 :绝对是。没有男人有泪不轻弹,在很多情况下,男人也是会掉泪的,尤其是父亲!

后记:男人和父亲的分别

聆听两个名男人谈他们的孩子,其实是有趣的。这时,他们不是男人,更不是名人,他们只是父亲。
父亲不需要男人的自大、不需要男人的酷劲儿、不需要男人的孩子气,不需要名气。他们尽管去爱孩子,就是最好的父亲。爱孩子,让他们学会承担,学会放手,学会分享,也学会适时掉泪。

父亲,不是普通男人。

【杨剑 】
•儿子杨毅恒,28岁;女儿杨善茹23岁
•权威影评人、前宝丽金唱片公司执行董事

让孩子感受父爱:
“爱是一种感觉,无需做其他表现,顺其自然地关心孩子,他们能感受到你的爱。”杨剑在孩子还小时,因为工作关系需要四处跑动,但无论身在多远,他都不忘给孩子拨通电话,或寄一张明信片,让孩子感受到与父亲同在。
父爱无时无刻。只要你愿意倾听他,他都会说。

【叶良才(Steve Yap) 】
•女儿叶昕,1岁10个月
•本地著名演员兼模特儿

代沟不是问题:
“别相信代沟会破坏你和父亲的关系,那只是借口。”当上父亲,叶良财明白,代沟不是年龄问题,是态度问题。“我父亲和我最好,但我们俩年龄差距最大。”
家有11名兄弟姐妹,叶良财排行老幺,与父亲相差50岁,却是和父亲互动最多的孩子。回忆当年与父亲从士拉央乘搭迷你巴士到金河广场走街、吃饭、看戏的日子,说当时不懂父亲,如今自己当上父亲,回想那段岁月,才懂感动。

报道:周季鋺 /摄影:戴桐源 【父亲节一:爸爸的眼泪!】
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